Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Somebody Is Someone, So Say We All

Somebody Is Someone, So Say We All

Once upon a time I walked out the front door for a walk around town. Ten steps down the street I tucked the iPod away in my jacket pocket. It was too nice of a February day not to listen to the breeze. Music could wait for another time on another day.

In upstate New York, the shortest month of February seems endless because it’s usually so cold and grey. This February has been quite different as it feels like spring. I’ve been calling this spring-like weather in winter, sprinter. Though sprinter is a bit alarming, I have selfishly enjoyed the mild weather.

The walk I took was part of a de-frak-ing process. I had just crushed two seasons of Battlestar Galactica. The two-season-in-one-week-frak-athon was made possible by a generous grant from the New York State department of labor, Netflix instant and a viewer like me. In the show there are just under fifty thousand human beings left. The humans float around in space battling machines they had created called Cylons. In between battling Cylons, the humans are attempting to locate a new planet to colonize as warfare had made their home planet uninhabitable. Needless to say, this ‘futuristic’ show speaks of, and to, conditions we find ourselves in right now: man versus machine, survival of the human species in a nuclear age, a collective existential struggle to find meaning and purpose as emergent systems dissolve old paradigms. These are some of the very topics I ponder for ten hours a day when working outside. For me, it’s easier to joust the mysteries while being outdoors than it is during an indoor Battlestar binge.

I love being outdoors. I can’t wait to get back to work. And even though spring has sprung, I must patiently wait for the now arbitrary official date of spring to arrive so I can be rehired to work that landscape job again. The clarity I find while working outside is unparalleled, the peace I experience so hard to interr—

“Somebody help,” someone yelled, five minutes into my walk.

I stopped in my tracks. The shout had come from behind me. I thought, what the hell was that? Probably just some kids horsing around. But what if it’s not? I better go see.

I turned around and backtracked towards the voice, peering over hedges and into front yards. I finally spotted somebody a few houses down, an old black lady dressed in Sunday’s best on a Monday. She flailed an arm, waving me over, as she spoke frantically to a 911 operator on the phone she held.

“It’s my husband,” she said to me.

She sped walked towards her house, leading me to the front door that was swung wide open. I followed her inside. A minute earlier I was taking a walk, de-frak-ing. A minute later I found myself in a stranger’s living room, wondering what the frak was happening. The old lady was in tears, staring at her non-responsive husband on the couch while trying to field questions being asked by the 911 operator.

“He’s my husband,” she said to the operator. “He’s 72. Somebody please come.”

She rambled a bit into the phone trying to make sense of the situation. But there was no making sense of it, not there, not in that moment, not as she watched on helplessly. Her husband was limp on the couch, his head keeling back, mouth salivating, unable to respond to anything anyone was saying.

“There’s spit coming from his mouth. I think he coughed some blood,” the lady said into the phone.

I looked at her husband. Though his eyes were open, he looked checked out. The driver was no longer behind the wheel. Sitting across from the husband was another guy, sitting on another couch. That guy looked paralyzed in his own sort of way, scared, shocked and unsure, as was I, of what it was we were witnessing.

“There’s a fire house right down the street. Should I run down… see if there’s an ambulance there?” I asked the shocked guy.

“I don’t know… She’s on the phone with 911… I don’t know,” was all he could muster.

I headed towards the door, telling the lady I was going to check the firehouse for an ambulance. I jetted outside and sprinted down the road. I ran up to the firehouse and rang the doorbell. I waited a second or two. No one answered. I flung the door open.

“Hello hello,” I yelled. “Hello hello,” I repeated.

My hellos echoed off the walls. No response. Suddenly, emergency alarm tones sounded off. A dispatcher came over the loudspeakers and broadcasted in the empty firehouse the emergency call for the house I had just ran from. Time to run back.

While running back I thought, I don’t know what the hell I should do. What the hell could I do? Maybe I could wave the emergency vehicles down when they come into view so they don’t blow past the house? I just don’t know…

On my way back, I heard sirens. I arrived just as a fire truck did. The firemen entered the house. An ambulance showed up seconds later. The paramedics scurried into the house toting bags of medical gear. I walked up the steps, onto the porch and peered inside the living room. Should I be here anymore? I don’t want to be in the way. I don’t want this lady to be scared. I don’t want this man to die. I don’t want to leave without saying “good-bye.”

As I stood on the porch, the medics talked to the husband on the couch. He didn’t respond verbally. From where I was standing, I couldn’t tell if the husband had given any response, any physical signs of hope. The nice old lady saw me. She came outside for a second.

“Thanks for all your help… Please come back some time… Knock on the door… To see what happened,” she said, her eyes filled with tears.

“Okay, I will…”

I wanted to hug her, but didn’t. I walked down the porch steps, across the yard and back to the sidewalk. Back to my walk. Back to de-frak. I thought about how gracious that lady was for thanking me.

We walk around and pass people. We drive around and pass houses. We throw up walls, physical and psychological. We differentiate some times, tricking ourselves into thinking we do not have much in common with the people we cross paths with. But when we realize the bodies we inhabit are mortal, that their time here is finite, then front doors get flung open, strangers become fellow human beings and all of those somebodies become a someONE.

As of right now, I have no idea if that 72-year-old man is alive. But I do know that I’m glad my eardrums weren’t distracted by earbuds. I’m not a hero. I didn’t save a man’s life. I didn’t do much of anything. But maybe I was able to help in some way, to help this nice old lady, if only for a second, not feel alone, not give up hope, by simply being there for a moment.

I’ll ring the doorbell some day. Hopefully the nice old lady will open the door and her husband will be sitting on the couch. He’ll turn to see me. We’ll all smile and laugh about that strange sprinter day when we met under such strange circumstances. Yes, hopefully we’ll rejoice that he got a second chance--to live happily ever after.

Thoughts on 'reluctant leaders' within occupy...

A little context for this blog...

A friend wrote an open letter to David Graeber and Chris Hedges. The letter discusses Graeber and Hedges possibly being clouded by one too many history lessons. The letter also dives into the blac block tactics used by a small number of people within OWS. You can read it here:

http://kenvallario.com/blog/anxiety/open-letter-to-david-graeber-and-chris-hedges


I have wondered if the various occupy movements have been lead by ‘reluctant leaders’... When asked what I meant by ‘reluctant leaders’ I had to pause... Three or so days later I threw some words down...


And after casting the words down, I finally caught up on a movie that I had wanted to watch for years... Before Sunset. There was a piece of dialogue in the movie that ‘coincidentally’ spoke to what I had just been contemplating...


“I see the people that do the real work, and what’s really sad is that the people that are the most giving, hard working and capable of making this world better usually don’t have the ego and ambition to be a leader.”


After the movie this TED talk was ‘coincidentally’ on my Facebook news feed:

http://www.ted.com/talks/drew_dudley_everyday_leadership.html


It’s not a coincidence if it means something to you.


When it comes to swift social change, I remain a hopeFUL romantic, but I think my friend has a point... Just like the information I’m willing to dump, I may have to break up with the first social movement that touched my heart if it fails to evolve...


Whatever the case may be, I have been a reluctant leader. Whatever the case may be, I will not be a reluctant leader. <3



On 'Reluctant Leaders' within Occupy


As far as mass movements that have taken place in my lifetime, nothing has moved my soul more than OWS. I’ve been brought to joyful tears by videos I’ve seen, all the raw footage I’ve consumed, Nicole’s posts from LA, my friend Sean’s posts from Chicago, your Brooklyn Bridge piece, the other reporting from your trips down to NYC OWS, and so many other D.I.Y journalists. While many in the movement were initially concerned about the mainstream media’s lack of coverage, I was excited... I thought, finally, finally people are turning away from the old sources, the old outlets, the old stories, the ‘experts’ drawing to heavily from the history books...


Though the OWS movement’s physical tents were destroyed by a bunch of stormtroopers, a much larger psychological tent hangs overhead and remains for people of many disciplines/ideologies to stand under.


I have wondered for too long time if I was the only one with concerns of the bigger picture, if I was the only one who believed that humanity could rise up and become co-creating participants in the evolutionary process, that there could be a group comprised of open, honest INDIVIDUALS, a group large enough to be that ‘tipping point’ that could widen the lens of mankind’s budding consciousness, finally getting it off that UNconscious autopilot loop. I am beyond happy to say that OWS crushed that feeling of political atomization I once had. The clicktivists went afk, amassed and stood up to say “fuck you” to a machine with no regard for the emotional intelligence of human beings everywhere, not just in one nation state... So many more showed up just to stand in solidarity. They may have not necessarily known all the reasons why things are the way they are, but they knew enough to understand, things do not have to be this way. They knew enough to take off the social masks that once held them back, to reveal themselves, to commune, to laugh, to cry, to fight the good fight by not fighting with one another... The OWS movement’s brilliant tactic was to camp out and not move... That’s one of the hardest things to do these days for any human being in the west as the innocence of childhood is smashed quickly by conditioning coming from so many fronts that trains us to be human goings and human doings, anything but human beings sitting down sans glowbox to become one with an involutionary and evolutionary process... And it was beautiful to see, it’s beautiful to still see as it is my hope the movement is just getting started.


But there was still that misunderstanding, not one that I had, but one that our fellow human beings had. The ones that still tuned into the Olberman/Maher/Beck/Hannity ‘voices’ to receive filtered information on something those ‘news’ casters couldn’t possibly understand because they either believe in, or feel too invested in, the very spells they cast... It’s easy for me to say people should just turn off their televisions, take a cold hard look at reality and that alone will help them to understand the grievances being aired by OWS... But it took me eight years of a Siddharthic retreat from society/culture to have a profound moment of clarity, to finally get that much of what we’re experiencing in the negative sense is a crisis of consciousness more than anything else. Before the parties, the politricks, ‘the man,’ the machine, the institutions, there is us struggling to find a way to relate to reality, to find meaning. And finding meaning is made even harder when going through dogmatic motions, partaking in outdated mythological or cultural rituals that no longer resonate, when occupying worthless occupations that provide little to no purpose for one’s life and that often pits us all against one another...


And I feel that many of the people in the OWS movement are on the same page with me... Willing to forgive ourselves and each other, willing to let go of our follies of the past, willing to let go of the social contracts politricksters signed behind closed doors and finally make our own....


A collective “my bad yo...” A dismissal of history, letting go of broken promises and imaginary lines of time... Transcending the notion of lines in the sand, nation states, turning away from banners on a flag pole, opting to instead pledge allegiance to love, to the rise of the creative human spirit, truly being tolerant of peaceful worshipers, of other’s world views, of fostering more locally driven forms of organization that arise from an organic free association... It’s a ‘radical’ page to be on, though it doesn’t feel ‘radical’ to me... In fact, it feels rational, which is funny as the self proclaimed stewards of rationality/reason/pragmatism often scoff at the ideas put forth by myself and other dreamers.


What I meant by reluctant leaders: I wonder if they’re reluctant in the sense that if they’re on that same ‘radical’ page I’m on, they quite possibly would have absolutely no desire to ‘lead,’ they probably wouldn’t ever even consider themselves a leader. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. My favorite leaders have been more like sages I suppose, that have helped me to understand that it is I who must take responsibility and bare the burdens of life, of ‘the struggle...’ So if I feel that way, I wonder what that means for the various people leading Occupy groups throughout the world... I wonder if they feel like ‘reluctant leaders’...


And now here I stand, a dude who once looked to leaders for help/hope/the answer... And after having his heart broken too many times by the politricksters, I became a dude who once swore them all off, who grew tired and weary of anyone stepping up to lead a crowd..... Now a dude, wishing more would step up to communicate with clarity the concerns expressed by the ‘radical’ wing of the OWS movement, to make sure a small group of brick tossers, arming themselves for a ‘coming insurrection’ because they’ve romanticized a steam punk apocalypse do not became the black masked faceless face of such a wonderful movement... Hoping that this movement doesn’t turn into the classic divide and conquer, ego driven, us vs them mentality, that 1% scapegoat that you mention... Hoping this movement engages all fronts on that higher plane of which you speak, a plane that we can only point to hoping they’ll come along for the ride... a plane that is so hard to ‘lead’ people to... And I hope this movement can be led by those with the skillful means to communicate with clarity the ‘radical’ ideas fostered by a group of individuals with imaginations that imagine no nations--in peace... holla...

Sintax

Sintax


You read it write. iSpelt it wrong.


I am happy to report that I do not speak grammatically correct. My style of real time, face to face conversation is taken to the web-wide-world where iEngage in face bookery. iAlso log onto the twitter nation where iTwit tweets < 140 characters on the reg. & yes, on occasion iTumble2.


If iUse the wrong there their, will you see passed my flaws? Our you willing too embrace inperfection as iAm pleased to declare that, fortunately, eye am not immune to my own humanity? Will you bear with my grammatically flawed uncorrect online postage of t(wit)s, status updates on the book facade or tumblrd tumbs? ibet you understand me with or w/o the Oxford ‘,’


So thanx four being a sentient human being-being human, capable of understanding emotional intelligence when transmitted e-motionally, irreguardeless of weather iUse the write whether or incorporate made up words in sentences that run on and on and on and on... By 4giving 1 anothas grammatical snafus, our grammafus is you will, we have chosen to not live in a world-wide-web of grammatical disappointment 4eva until the end of time.


In piece and less than three,

-e rock $ love nuts the 3rd


“Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” -Martin Luther King


@duffscribes Every word is made up. This is all made up non-fiction.

#DuffTzu

#BecauseTheMoreYouKnowTheLessYouKnow